Cookies and Cream - The Steps to Female Empowerment

 Cookies and Cream are my secret weapon.

I sat around one day in my dark aviator style sunglasses and a fashionable scarf just watching people go by. People watching they call it. Women around me writhed and breathed alone or in couples or groups looking uncomfortable.

Holding in their stomachs they pushed salads or 'healthy options' around their white China plates in the cafe I often frequented. The sound of cutlery against the plates was almost deafening. They looked pained and uncomfortable, mentally calorie counting and attempted to look happy.

I noticed a few like me, normal but attractive women, sure we were not read thin and reading the latest fashion magazine or wearing unscuffed shoes and maybe some dark roots were showing in our still very acceptable hairstyles. The laughter lines deeply etched into our faces were natural, not caked with brand name layers of makeup or some weird new miracle potion sourced from a third world country and costing an arm and a leg to buy a bottle.

Cookies and Cream Cheesecake was their speciality at the cafe and as I ordered another piece to be bought with my third Cafe Latte an audible gasp and raised eyebrows and spiteful whispers from half the women in the cafe made me laugh out loud in amusement. One solidarity sister raised her fork at me and mouthed "I love you".  I raised my fork to her and whispered "I love you too". 

This was not the lesbian romance of the century beginning. This was two soul sisters showing up the uber hip skim skinny vegan latte crowd and uniting in not being fat shamed as we were both healthy looking luscious ladies. 

I decided to add insult to injury and summoned the waiter and waitress and added a garlic bread, lasagne and egg salad sandwich to my order. Audible gasps went around the cafe as I loosened my waistband of my very forgiving trackpants and brushed cheesecake crumbs onto the plate from my ample chest covered by a pale lilac v necked tshirt.

All eyes had turned to look at me in the cafe and I confidently ordered a cheese and coffee platter and an after lunch liqueur for myself and for table number 9 where my soul cafe sister raised her fork again and mock saluted me. I smiled and tucked into my lasagne.

Later at home I remembered the cafe experience and wondered how many women out there are subjected to the same scorn I am and began to do a mini survey from women I met. It did not matter what they looked like they all were being sabotaged and riddled with food and body confidence guilt.

Me? Nahhhh... I live by three rules

1. Stressed backwards spells desserts

2. Life's short Eat Dessert first

3. When I die I plan to glide into my grave space on roller skates with a martini in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other yelling "Woo Hoo What a Ride"

Even when I was larger, mainly because of health issues rather than bad diet I always remained confident and walked tall and proud. I tended to ignore other people's stupidity although it did cut deep at times. Some people were genuinely just unthinking and rude, others did not realise they were and others were just curious.

I tend to put on my big girl panties and not become a big girls blouse.  People ask me how I can be so confident considering I'm part wheelchair dependent and how do they get what I have or tap into my body confidence. I never really can say anything other than I was confident from the start, eating good food and regular movement rather than exercise and practiced mindfulness, centredness and relaxation and breathing, which make a huge difference.

Adequate time to relax, drinking enough water and a positive mindset usually continue on after that. Don't beat yourself up mentally or physically and allow yourself to regularly enjoy those secret behaviours or guilt passions we have. Whether it's a cup of tea and a good book,. Collecting bookmarks, sending postcards or a piece of cookies and cream cheesecake, don't always deny yourself pleasure.

But don't make excuses either to take these guilt pleasures on so they become a habit or a chore, use them to reward yourself or relax.  Reward yourself for what? Sometimes just day to day life and it's stress is reward enough.

And remember to learn to love your body.  When you can look at yourself directly in the eye in the mirror without shame then you are no longer a broken person. You are human and beautiful, one of nature's creations. Touch your own body and get to know your most intimate curves.  Enjoy your smooth back, your womanly thighs, the colour of your eyes, the way your hair falls when you part it that way.

Wear your red shirt even though your partner hates it, wear that yellow dress your friends said makes you look washed out but you love. Buy that scarf you have been admiring. Take off your shoes and run through a spring shower, kick up a pile of autumn leaves, talk to the birds that song outside your window each morning.

Learn to love yourself and most of all love that Cookies and Cream Cheesecake!!! And love that second or third piece.

I was once given a greeting card with "There is no shame in treating Depression with half a frozen Cheesecake". I treasure that card and sentiment!!!